The Flower and The Moon
by beexfeatheryduster
Summary: " 'Pansy Parkinson' I murmured quietly. Luna's smile grew even wider and it certainly was infectious. I felt the corners of my mouth twitching slightly into a very weak, small smile of my own"  Welcome to the world of Pureblood Princess, Pansy Parkinson
1. Entry One

**Authors Note: I had this posted up on previously, a while ago, but I wasn't really all that happy with the direction it was going in (which wasn't any) and I found it difficult to keep to my one thousand word limit for each entry. So I took it off and pretty much forgot about it. Lying awake in my bed though, my thoughts went to it again and I decided 'what the heck, I'll write more and put it back up' Hence why it's here. So anyway, to conclude the blabbing, I hope you enjoy this insight into a character I have always felt is hard done by. The M is for language right now and yes, it is going to be a Pansy/Luna. If you don't like it, don't read and then hassle me about it- Bee x**_

* * *

___

Dear Diary

_This was a wonderful present; really, I can't believe I never thought of the idea before. Trust Draco to think of it. I know why he bought me this diary, so I can talk to you instead of talking to him about everything. There's times I wonder if Draco really actually cares for me in any way at all. Sure my parents want us to get together but I don't know if he's willing and his parents haven't said anything about it. The Malfoy's probably think that their only son can do much better than a Parkinson. It's a trial, it really is. My parents are trying to use me to better themselves and really all I want is for them to disappear out of my life altogether. If I'm being entirely honest, I wouldn't mind being disowned, if only I got the peace from them and their insatiable ambition. My mother, she wants me to be like her, to stay at home, hold society evenings, and have children, lots and lots of children. My father wants to use me to better the Parkinson name. Neither of them considers what I want. Nobody ever really considers what I want to do with my life. Well, I'm going to tell you now Diary, what I want to do with my life, and what I want in the here and now_

_I want my parents to stop their stupid games, and I want them to realize that I'm their daughter, not some possession they can throw off to any stranger that they want, so long as they have more money than we do, are Pureblood and are higher up on the social ladder than we are, or if they have to settle, on the same level as us. I want to be free to be who I really am, and to make proper friendships like the one's the 'Golden Trio' have. I want to have a boyfriend who loves me and cares for me, not someone who lusts after what he can't bring himself to go get for fear of his father's wrath. I want to stop playing the bitch. _

_What I want to do with my life, well, I've never wrote it down or dwelt on it as anything other than a dream, so far away from me and unreachable. I want to work as a clothes designer. I have a few sketches done and these sketches, they were created with certain people in mind. I could never do that though, just as I could never design for the people I want and see them wear the clothes I designed specifically for them. My mother would never allow it because that's not what pureblood women of our 'calibre and high breeding' do. I really don't care what I'm supposed to do. I've had everyone telling me what I'm supposed to do for my entire life. I just wish that I could break free from all that._

_Freedom, that's something I don't really have. I could try and take it, and I could try and make my own fortune and my own way but I would be totally on my own. Nobody would support me, all my 'friends' and my family would turn their backs on me and I've had to play the bitch to everyone else. They are good people, but I doubt any of them would take pity on me and help me out. After all, I'm the pug-faced bitch Pansy Parkinson. Yeah, I hear what they call me behind my back. I know what they think of me and every time I see the hatred in their eyes, it hurts. Just a little bit, like a small needle being stuck into my heart. That's why I keep quiet most of the time, unless someone's 'encouraging' me, normally Draco. He tells me that we're giving the Gryffindor's hassle and I can't turn and tell him no. There's too much at stake, I'll lose too much and I'll be totally on my own. _

_Maybe that's how Draco feels sometimes. I mean, he's totally in love with Hermione Granger and he never does anything about it. He's a right bastard to her because if his father heard anything else then he'd be punished. I know what that feels like. We're trapped, all us Purebloods, except for the 'blood traitors' like the Weasley's. I don't really see how they are betraying their blood. Just because they aren't primitive traditionalists set hundreds of years back in thinking and embrace the new blood being introduced, the new talent to our world in the form of muggle born's. Take Hermione Granger for example. Her parents are muggles, no magical blood in them, and yet she is the most talented witch I have ever seen. I'm jealous of her, of course I am but I have to admit that she is amazing with her magical ability. She is the best example to show the archaic pureblood family's like my own that muggle born's aren't beneath us or anything like that. I wouldn't be surprised if she could beat my own father in a duel with a blindfold obscuring her vision. So much backwards thinking and tradition! I'll tell you what it stinks like to me; cowardice. Too frightened to embrace the real nature of the world. They want to tailor it to suit them so they still stay on top in society and still keep all their hundreds of thousands of galleons. They're frightened they'll lose out and it's pathetic! This fear drives them to follow total psycho's like You-Know-Who whose only desire is to pretty much crush, kill and destroy. He is totally insane and even I can see that he doesn't want the same thing as people like my parents do. He wants power for himself, and he wants to be a self appointed god to rule over all of us. What's the world coming to? _

_Till later diary,_

_Yours _

_Pansy Patricia Parkinson_


	2. Entry Two

**Authors Note: Well, here is the second diary entry for you. This entire story is planned to be Pansy's diary entrys, just so you know. If you've read this before, then you'll notice that unlike the first diary entry, I have actually added more this time. A little extra content, and a little more insight into Pansy. Hope your enjoying - Bee x**_

* * *

___

Dear Diary

_Today was unusual to say the least. When I woke up this morning I didn't expect what happened to happen, it didn't even seem to be a possibility. I pride myself on having a thicker skin than some, and usually I can handle a lot of abuse. I dish it out on a regular basis so why shouldn't I take it when it's returned in kind. Those girls have a way of talking some of them and normally I can handle whatever they say but it was taken a bit further today. I might be a Slytherin but even I don't like it when one party is outnumbered by another./ That's why if I have to start on someone, I always make sure that if it's only them, it's only me. If Hermione Granger was with Ginny Weasley then I would make sure Millicent Bulstrode was with me, but no one else. It's just not fair otherwise, and this world is unfair enough without my adding to it_

_Well it started in the girl's toilets didn't it? I was in a cubicle, minding my own business and bemoaning the essay I had to get written for tonight when I heard them coming in. I didn't dare open the door, I was on my own and there was this gaggle of girls. Those weren't good odds and I'm not a very popular person. Going out there would just be asking for trouble, and I really couldn't be bothered with any of it today. Perhaps it might have been better if I had just walked out there._

"_Don't worry Lavender, you're so much prettier than that ugly bitch Parkinson. I mean look at you, then look at her" I recognized that voice immediately, Parvati Patil. I never really had much of a problem with her, or her sister. I still gave them hell though because it was expected. My reasoning for giving Lavender hassle was simply because she annoyed the crap out of me. Shortly after Parvati had finished speaking, her sister Padme decided to join in._

"_Take your hair, it's lovely and so soft. Then there's hers. She looks like the female version of Snape. Lanky, greasy hair, big nose and horrible teeth" I didn't have a particularly big nose, and my teeth were perfectly straight and white. I'll admit, I did have work done to make them that way, courtesy of my mother. It wasn't because she cared about my self-esteem, she just wanted me to look good for guys so I could make that prosperous marriage_

"_I wouldn't be surprised if they fuck in the storeroom. They both seem vain enough that they'd love screwing the mirror image of themselves" Lavender remarked, laughing with Padme and Parvati. I shuddered with revulsion at the very idea. It was disgusting and I felt physically ill just thinking about it. _

"_Just of the opposite sex. Maybe that's how she got into the N.E.W.T class" Parvati remarked, giggling at the scandalous thought. I was horrified and could hardly believe that they were actually saying those things. _

"_I think Goyle has more brains than her, and that's saying something" Padme pitched in. All three of the girls laughed then left. There was silence and I leant against the cubicle door, stunned. Sure, I was a bitch to them sometimes but unlike the likes of the Golden Trio, those vindictive supercilious cows actually deserved it. I never said anything like that about any of them, and I sure as hell didn't think it. That was just low, and it hurt that my classmates thought of me that way. It really hit home then that I was trapped in the snake's den. I tried to break away free from them and everything representing pureblood in the old families and I was royally screwed. I would have no friends, only enemies on both sides. _

_I stepped out of the cubicle and went over to the sinks to wash my hands, trying not to cry. Hard faced Slytherin girls didn't cry; at least not in such open and public places . It just so happened that someone came in. The door was opened and a girl walked in. I looked up, and quickly brushed away a few tears welling up in my eyes. I recognized the girl from somewhere, Loony was her name. Well, that was what everyone called her. I had been so used to hearing it that I had no idea what the girl's real name actually was. _

_She had stopped in her step and was watching me curiously. I tried to put on the mask I had worn every day for the past few years, and attempted to sneer at her, but nothing came. She stared at me for a few moments more before making her move. She walked over to stand beside me and held her hand out tentatively as though offering something to me._

"_Hello there. I'm Luna Lovegood" Her voice was so cheerful, and she had a small smile on her lips. She seemed to be very happy and I couldn't detect any resentment or hatred in her. I watched her hand held out to me for a few brief seconds, debating with myself on what to do. I eventually made my decision, and grasped it with my own and shook it once. _

_"Pansy Parkinson" I murmured quietly. Luna's smile grew even wider and it certainly was infectious. I felt the corners of my mouth twitching slightly into a very weak small smile of my own._

"_They say nasty things about me too. I just ignore them" Luna said seriously, still with that chirpiness in her tone. I was surprised to say the least. I had no idea how she knew but I wasn't going to question it. Here, someone was offering me an olive branch, someone outside the snake's den. I was damned if I wasn't going to take it, no matter what the consequences could be. _

"_How can you do that?" I asked, genuinely curious. This girl did seem incredibly odd and normally I would be called on to help make her life a misery. Here though, where it was only me and her, I was free from that. No matter how brief the freedom was, I was fully intent on embracing it. I could see easily exactly why she was given a hard time. Most people didn't appreciate others all that much. In my experience the best people were always overlooked. _

"_I don't listen. The Professor's give us enough schoolwork to keep me occupied, especially Professor Snape" It was such a simple, easy answer and I almost laughed at it. She was right, we were given a lot of work, and Professor Snape did like to pile the essays on, and I told her as much. I had a place that I needed to be though, and I didn't want anyone questioning my currently prolonged absence. Reluctnatly, I said goodbye and headed over to the door. Before I left though, I turned and looked back at her. She was still standing in the same place and still smiling, turning to look over at me._

"_Thank you" I said quietly before I left and went on my way, hurrying along the corridors to get back to the common room. _

_Perhaps I might just have made a proper friend today Diary. I really do hope so._

_Yours_

_Pansy_


	3. Entry Three

**Authors Note: Again, this might seem familiar if you read this story when it was up on before. It's the same basic thing as it was before, I've just put a few more words in and I've given Pansy a bit more character. Hope you like it- Bee x**_

* * *

___

Dear Diary

_I can happily say that today was a mostly ordinary day. That doesn't mean I'm not angry about what happened, it just means that it's what usually happens. I was sitting enjoying my breakfast in the Great Hall and lo behold the family Eagle owl descended carrying the ominous black envelope. I mean, you'd have thought someone had died, what with black being associated with mourning and funerals. Nobody had died though, unfortunately. The only people in the family I liked and cared for were already dead so anybody else dying really would have made my day, perhaps even my year. All the rest of the family (that were still living) were exactly the same as my parents and the other old pureblood family's that weren't labelled 'blood-traitors' Bigots, the lot of them. How I despise them._

_So you can imagine the smile as I saw the black envelope, thoughts of which family member had croaked it occupying my mind. Then I read the letter inside. It was like the ceiling of the Great Hall was in tune with my own emotions. It was a calm and reasonably bright blue sky that very quickly became dark and overcast. The letter was from my mother, asking how the courtship with Draco was coming along and telling me that she had been talking with Blaise's mother about a marriage between him and myself. If Blaise's mother accepted I knew that another letter would be sent to me instantly telling me to stop fraternising with Draco and leave him to his own devices as he had no use to me and them anymore. There wasn't even a 'and how are you dear?' tagged on at the end. Nope, that's not what happened in my family. The day it did would be the day my mother either lost her mind or became terminally ill. They were the only two instances where she would actually care. Even if I was on my deathbed, she wouldn't be able to say that. _

_I'd looked up and somehow managed to catch the eye of Luna Lovegood, who was looking at me from the Ravenclaw table with blatant and obvious worry. I was touched to say the least. She had obviously seen the owl and the letter and was concerned about my welfare. As astounding as it should have been (but wasn't), she seemed to be the only one in my life who cared at all about Pansy the girl, not Pansy the potential bride or Pansy the broodmare. With a heavy heart I had thrown down my knife and fork unceremoniously and left the table, not really feeling any strong urge to eat anymore. My appetite had deserted me once again and I was feeling so upset and angry that I couldn't even bring myself to look at Luna as I left. _

_I'd headed towards the dungeons and the Potions classroom; it was my first lesson of the day after all. Then just when I was near the classroom I heard a voice call out to me and, naturally, I froze and thought 'oh crap!' There wasn't any circumstance where hearing that voice was a good thing, even though I was a Slytherin. You'd be surprised how most of the time that only made things a little better for you. Sure, he showed favouritism towards us but that was only for show. When no one else was looking he was rather harsh actually._

"_Miss Parkinson, a word" I slowly turned round to find my potions professor and Head of house standing right behind me. You guessed it, Professor Snape in all his menacing glory. Menacing really was a good word to describe him. He was like an avenging angel, except he was far from an angel. Maybe a hellish nightmarish version of an avenging angel, or perhaps even a terrible avenging God. Snape as a God, what a horrifying thought._

"_Yes sir?" I asked, trying to come off as cool and nonchalant as I could. I had no idea what he wanted to talk to me about but it was very rare that the great Professor Snape ever deigned to speak to such a lowly individual as myself. Draco perhaps, maybe even Blaise but not I, I was not in the same league as any of them. Naturally, I thought the worst and was prepared for a dreadful inquisition, which would lead to a week's worth of detentions with that old wheezy windbag filch and his blasted cat. God, I wished that thing had stayed petrified from our second year. Mrs Norris was a sneaky bastard and I didn't like that quality in a cat. It was disturbing._

"_You seemed off a little earlier, is there anything wrong?" He inquired much to my surprise. Total shock in fact. Professor Snape actually did give a rat's arse about someone like me, a non-entity. Someone owl the Daily Prophet! I had to wonder now though, perhaps he had cared (or as close to caring as a cold-hearted, miserable bastard can) all along, and I'd just never given him any cause for concern until now. Now that I thought about it, it did make sense to a certain degree. It was the Slytherin way, unless we said, you'd never know we felt anything other than contempt and hatred for most of humanity. _

_His question though; 'is there anything wrong?' Well of course there was something bloody wrong! Pretty much everything I see or hear of is wrong and the worst of it is, I can't do jack shit to stop it now can I? No, I just have to play the game and slowly wither and die inside (not to be too dramatic) Still, I had to tell him something. Oh to hell with it; why not just tell him the truth? There wasn't much harm that could come from it._

"_Yes sir, there is a lot wrong. Marriage proposals for one" I said with a sigh, leaning against the cold wall behind me and trying not to bludgeon myself to death against the stone. Professor Snape wouldn't be happy about clearing up the mess of blood and brain I'd leave behind. He sighed tersely and shook his head, striding past me to pull open the classroom door. He gestured for me to follow him in and I complied without saying a thing. I may be many things but I am respectful to my elders to their face, for the most part. Also, it didn't take Crabbe or Goyle to figure out that you did not speak until Professor Snape told you to; no good would come of any other course of action. He was a temperamental swine after all._

"_Try not to think on it Miss Parkinson, you will only depress yourself. So long as you are in education at Hogwarts you will not have to marry. By that time you may find that you have someone in mind yourself. Or you might have successfully managed to convince your parents to leave you to your own devices" It was awfully rude of me to do so but I couldn't help laughing at that last part. I knew I was going to pay for the laughter but I really just could not help it. It was so optimistic of him, and that was one word that never went with Professor Snape, the Dark Cloud himself. However I was pleasantly surprised to find that he was trying not to smile. When this was all over and done with I was seriously considering going down to the Kitchens and demanding one of the Hogwarts house elves to tell me if someone had slipped something in my drink, or Professor Snape's. This whole thing was surreal. _

"_Perhaps I am being too optimistic. Now sit down and get your books out" That sternness made it's usual appearance in his voice again. The cameo of kindness was over. For all intents and purposes, I threw myself into a chair and hurriedly unpacked my books, ready for the lesson._

_It made me wonder; perhaps I have found myself an ally diary_

_Yours_

_Pansy_


	4. Entry Four

__**Authors Note: Well, I have taken forever to do this, but here it is up, if anyone is still interested. It has been ages after all - Bee x  
**

* * *

_Dear Diary_

_Sorry I haven't written for such a long time. I didn't really see the need to because, for once, life just lately has been pretty uneventful. Nothing has went drastically wrong, there haven't been anymore cruel, hurtful and downright sickening words and allegations to hear from bitchy self-centred cows. They are so lucky that I never hexed them. Professor Snape returned to his lofty heights and refused to acknowledge my existence for the most part as he always had done. There was really only one thing that was different from the usual way of matters, and that was Luna._

_I received an owl from her at breakfast one morning, which surprised me to say the least, asking if I could meet with her by the greenhouses when everyone was at dinner. Seeing as none of the other Slytherin's would really notice my absence, and that was if they even cared about it at all in the first place, it was safe for me to go meet her. Nobody would suspect Luna of meeting with me due to her friendship with the Golden Trio, and vice versa so it was twice as safe. There wouldn't be any negative repercussions from this meeting with her, and I was correct. We went for a walk around the lake and were just chatting away, rather happily I might add. It was such a nice change._

_Luna is a wonderful person, not to mention she is very, very intelligent. Yes, she is rather unusual (they don't call her loony for nothing after all) but those quirks are part of her, and they are part of what makes her wonderful. She is so kind and has never spoken a nasty word to me. I feel as though I can be myself around Luna that it's safe too, and it's wonderful. It's perfect actually. I can't be like that with anyone else; nobody would ever give me a chance for a start. Luna did though, and she continues to do so. We send each other mail and nobody seems to bat an eyelid, more than likely because they don't know who the letters are from and don't care to find out. It means that I have her close to me every day, in one way or another. _

_Sometimes we get snatches of time to meet with each other and discuss practically everything and anything that there is to offer. We have so many different types of conversation, and she asks so many questions. I have found that her questions can be rather intrusive but surprisingly enough, this does not particularly bother me. The information that I give is useless to her, and I know as surely as I know my own name, that she would never use it against me. It just isn't in her nature, that isn't Luna. I don't know her all that well yet, but I can tell that she would never betray me. Sometimes you can sense these things. She's rather like a Hufflepuff, or a Gryffindor in that sense; loyal, almost to a fault. The average Slytherin doesn't really know anything about loyalty other than to themselves. No, the other houses know loyalty and dedication to each other, to their friends. The Slytherin's don't really have friends, and they only know obedience. If you think about it, we're the perfect little soldiers. If you asked 'them' the old archaic families, if you were prepared to wait and loiter around long enough, they would tell you the truth 'someone to use'. Thanks to Luna though, I know what real friendship can be like. I've tasted it, and I want it so much it hurts me deep inside in a place I never really knew existed._

_I don't know if I deserve a friendship like that though, and I don't know if anyone else will give me it. Luna disagrees with me completely, obviously, and she says that inside I'm a wonderful person. According to her, I just need to let people see that. I wish I could but no, I don't possess that Gryffindor courage. I'm too much of a coward. Well, it isn't cowardice exactly; I'm just very well informed of the facts. There is too much to lose and very little chance to gain anything. It is not a good risk to take and no matter how much I wish for it, it's not what I can will myself to take. _

_I know that Luna's slightly disappointed with me about that but I can't help it. Maybe I might be able to be brave enough to stand up for what I believe in, and be my true self, to hell with all of them. Perhaps in the future this might be possible, but not right now. I wasn't put into Slytherin for nothing. Despite the common perception, Slytherin's aren't all evil. A lot of them are, or end up being evil. We are cunning, and sly, and that can very effectively be used for good, as much as it can be for bad. It really depends on the person. I don't think I'm evil. I do know that I am calculating, I consider all the variables and possibilities. That's why I'm so good at Arithmancy (I keep that one quiet) and it's why I'm so bad at defence against the dark arts when it comes to duels. I take too much time to cast a spell, because I'm too busy considering all the possibilities and variables. Perhaps one day I'll have trained myself to do that very quickly, in which case I know I'd be a great duellist. Not to sound too arrogant, but there's just some things you know about yourself. _

_Moving away from all that though because I'm just starting to babble. Luna says it's her birthday soon and I'm trying to think of a present for her. If I can't think of anything particularly amazing or thoughtful, then I think I'll get her a cat; a nice, furry white cat. I'm sure that Luna would be delighted with a cat, a friend that would understand her perfectly. Cat's can offer comfort that no human being can give. You can tell all your secrets and the cat won't tell another living soul; they can't but even if they could they wouldn't. The cat would protect her from the nastiness of her dorm mates. They all think Luna's mad and they are rather mean to her. The cat would defend her, like I wish I could. Yes, a cat seems like a good idea. Every time she looked at the cat, then maybe she might just think fondly of me._

_That's it; my mind is decided. For her birthday I am going to get my friend Luna Lovegood a white cat, perhaps a kitten. I haven't decided that part yet. She will get a cat though, that's just the important thing. I'll let her know why I got her the cat too, and I hope that will show how much she and her friendship mean to me. _

_Pansy_


End file.
